Where to even begin…
There are hundreds of “fat people” blogs out there but regardless I found that I could not find inspiration in them…just jealousy… I need a blog of my own to track my own progress and hardships, as they are very different than any one elses.
I have kept this a secret-anonymous blog because quite frankly I am very ashamed of myself. I have a very serious and I feel like (common) disorder. However, I feel like mine is very severe. I have a huge huge huge eating problem…… BINGING. Many people are probably thinking, “I binge all the time its common!”, however I take binging to another level. For example, just these last couple of weeks (about 4 weeks) I have fast food EVERY SINGLE DAY. some days I would eat it more than once in a single day. and NO I was not ordering a cheeseburger or just a simple value meal. I was ordering a cheeseburger (sometimes 2), 10 piece chicken nuggets, medium fries, a diet coke and a dessert of some kind. I got an instant happiness from eating fast food. The hard part was keeping it a secret, wouldn’t my mom wonder why I wasn’t eating at home? Would my car smell like fast food (since I had to hide out and eat it in there?), WHERE would I throw away the trash (surely not at my house). Disgustingly enough, I accumulated over a weeks worth of fast food piled in my back seat and trunk. My car began to smell, but it was better than anyone finding out my secret. My family has never been about eating out or fast food, so I have no clue where this problem came from.
It might be the fact that I am in nursing school and am stressed to the MAX. because in high school when life was easy peezy, I never ate out and I was in the best shape of my life. Here is my true problem….. COMMITMENT. I go to the gym for a good 2 weeks, lose a lot of weight, feel great, feel happy, eat healthy. THEN out of nowhere I fall right back into the funk of BINGING, where I let myself GO… and I mean COMPLETELY GO! I have restarted diets no doubt over 100 times in my life.
A couple months ago I figured that getting a trainer and paying a hefty amount would solve my problems with weight loss. Well…it did. But only for the first couple months. I went from 142 lb to 134. I was the happiest and most confident I had been in my life. Almost 10 lbs lost? amazing right? Well, my trainer had me eating the SAME meal plan EVERY day….I got so sick of it that I began to rebel and eat really badly. I ended up gaining it all back after I got done training with him..and here I am weighing my ALL TIME HIGH of 150 pounds.. I am so sick and so disgusted with myself. my clothes don’t fit, my face is round, I have an unhealthy, acne-full face. I am disgusting. I hate to say that “this time is it”, because I have said that time and time again about weight loss. but the difference with this time is that I will take my time, and do it the right, slow, way… I will NEVER be 150 pounds again…
thefatgirl2012 